Beautiful Boy
by junkbondtrader
Summary: Warning: Spoilers for DH. Teddy Lupin thinks about accidents, and his parents. His godfather tries to help. Teddy Lupin's life through Hogwarts.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters I write about. Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) was written by John Lennon.

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The arrival of the Potter's third child was a painful reminder to Teddy that he was not, in fact, their son. While his grandmother was kind to him, she could never fill the void left by the absence of his real parents. No one could. The sight of his aunt Ginny pregnant once again, filled him with a sense of longing. The same feeling he would get whenever he would look at the pictures of his mother and father. It wasn't fair. Of all the children that ten year old Teddy knew, he was the only orphan.

That wasn't his only difference. He was a metamorphagus like his mother. But he hated it. He had yet to master the art of controlling it. Every morning he'd look in the mirror, and a different person would be staring back at him. While James and Albus both looked like their parents, even in their young age, Teddy could see nothing of his mother or father in his ever changing face. The only exception was his eyes. They remained the same golden brown as his werewolf fathers'.

He crept from the guest room in the Potter's house he always stayed in during the hallways, down the hall, and peered into the kitchen. His uncle Harry held a glass of wine and his Aunt Ginny was giving food to little Albus, while James ran around the room. Both were beaming at their little boys.

Teddy felt jealous and spiteful, watching the scene, but at once regretted those emotions, with a pang of guilt. He turned to walk back but his foot caught on the potted plant in the hallway and he tripped, falling flat on his face. The ceramic vase cracked in two as it hit the floor, spilling dirt everywhere.

"What was that?" he heard Ginny call from the kitchen. The family quickly made its way into the hallway where Teddy had already begun to pull himself up.

While Teddy was as clumsy as his mother had been, he had also inherited the painful shyness that characterized his father's childhood.

"Teddy! Are you alright!" Harry asked, concerned. Gently, he helped the blushing boy to his feet.

"M'fine" he murmured, head down, hair darkening into a deep red.

"I thought you said wanted to go to bed early, Teddy?" Ginny asked, confused.

"Did you need something, son?" Harry asked, putting a comforting hand on the boys shoulder.

Teddy shrugged it off roughly.

"I'm not your son!" He growled, turning and running back to his room. The door slammed loudly behind him, and the two adults exchanged looks.

Once inside the room Teddy angrily picked up his pillow, and grabbed the picture of his parents he had left underneath. He shred it into several pieces, throwing them on the bed.

A soft knock came at the door, followed by Harry's soft voice.

"Teddy? Can I come in?"

The boy whimpered softly, and dove under his bed, hiding.

The door opened slowly and light poured into the dark room. With a flick of his wand, Harry illuminated the room.

Harry didn't look under the bed, but Teddy had a feeling that he knew he was there anyway. He sat down on the mattress, and sighed.

"Forget about the vase Teddy, it was an accident." He said gently.

"I was an accident." Teddy whispered from underneath the bed. He heard the bed squeak as Harry tensed above him.

"Who told you that!" He said angrily.

"Grandma… to great aunt Cissy, when they thought I was sleeping…" Teddy said. Harry could hear his voice getting choked by tears, and reminded himself to have a firm talk with Andromeda later.

"Teddy…" Harry's voice was calm. "It's true that your parents didn't plan on having a baby during the war… but they never, ever, regretted having you."

A noise of disbelief came from below.

"I'll be right back." Said Harry as he quickly left the room. Minutes later he came back and resumed his spot on the bed.

"Your father gave this to your mother when he left for the final battle. She gave it to your Grandma when she followed him. And your Grandma gave it to me a few years ago. But this letter…"

He set the letter on the floor beside the bed.

"This letter, belongs to you Teddy."

Slowly, a small and trembling hand peaked out from below the bed, and cautiously pulled the letter back under with it.

_Son,_

_You were born in a time of fear and pain. A time of war. When I found out that your mother was going to have you, I was scared at first. I didn't know a single thing about raising a child. _

_But from the moment you came into this world, I felt, for the first time, complete. You were so perfect. So beautiful and happy, just like your mother. It was the best day of my life. It felt like the very first._

_If you are reading this letter, then I died in the battle that I am about to go fight in. I only hope that you understand why I left. This world was on the brink of collapsing, and I had to give my life to protect you and your mother. I didn't leave because I wanted to. I left because I had to. _

_Look out for your mother while I'm gone. She's the only woman I ever truly loved, and I know you'll discover why, as you spend more time with her. The happiest I've ever seen her, was when she first held you.   
_

_Close your eyes,  
Have no fear,  
The monsters gone,  
He's on the run and your daddy's here._

_Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy,_

_Before you go to sleep,  
Say a little prayer,  
Every day in every way,  
It's getting better and better,_

_Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy,_

_Out on the ocean sailing away,  
I can hardly wait,  
To see you to come of age,  
But I guess we'll both,  
Just have to be patient,  
Yes it's a long way to go,  
But in the meantime,_

_Before you cross the street,  
Take my hand,  
Life is just what happens to you,  
While your busy making other plans,_

_Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy_

_I will always be with you,_

_Dad._

Teddy sniffed and wiped his wet face furiously with his sleeve as he cameto the end of the letter. Slowly the same trembling hand brought the paper out, for Harry to take.

"It's your letter Teddy, you keep it." He said.

The hand retreated just as slowly.

"Your parents were both heroes. They died so that we could live on. In a better world. I hope you understand that. They wanted you to." said Harry. And with that he left the room closing the door slowly behind him.

Teddy lay under the bed for several more moments, tears streaming down his face. He re-read the letter several times, and then folded it up. Slowly he brought the paper to his lips, and closed his eyes.

When he finally crawled out from under his bed, he saw the picture of his parents restored, on his comforter. Slowly he brought it back to a safe location in his top drawer, this time placing the letter there with it. As he looked in the mirror above the dresser, he gasped. Pulling the picture out again, his eyes flicked quickly between the picture and his own reflection.

His hair was the same sandy blonde as his fathers. His face the same heart shape as his mothers. He had his dad's eyes, but his nose and mouth definitely resembled the woman in the picture. Looking at his reflection, he felt a sense of familiarity creep through him, and he knew that this was what he truly looked like.

With one last glance in the mirror, he mused silently to himself,

_Maybe some accidents can turn out okay… _

And left the room to go thank his godfather.


	2. First Year

A/N: Sorry for this crappy sequel. And thank you all for the wonderful reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.

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His hair turned red with rage as he glared at the other boy's mocking face. His right arm involuntarily curled into a fist. His whole body shook with anger, as he evenly met those twisted, self-assured eyes.

"Take that back." his voice trembled.

"Why don't you make me, loopy?" The boy sneered. His weasel like friends snickered from behind him. His wand remained pointed at young Teddy's face. "I think I'd like to see you try."

In a blur, Teddy forgot his wand, and launched his clenched fist right into the boy's smirking face. With a sickening crunch his nose was shattered. The boy stumbled back, and dropped to the ground. Blood poured freely from his face. Stunned, he gazed up at Teddy before passing out. The two cronies took one glance at their fallen friend, before bolting down the hall.

Panting, the metamorphmagus closed his eyes and slowly uncurled his hand.

"Teddy?" A voice called from down the hall. Professor Longbottom came around the corner, looking severely confused. The two boys who'd ran off stood huddled behind him, watching Teddy with wide eyes. As Neville came closer to the unconscious body on the floor, his expression darkened.

"Boys, take your friend to the hospital wing. I'll deal with Mr. Lupin."

Teddy gazed down at his shoes, ashamed, as the other boys lumbered off.

"Teddy, that's the second fight you've been in this week. What's wrong?"

"Nothing Professor Longbottom." Teddy murmured, not meeting his teacher's gaze.

"Come with me to my office." Neville sighed. He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, and directed him through the halls.

Teddy hid behind his now long black hair. He brushed furiously at his face. Tears mixed with flecks of the other boy's blood.

When they reached the herbology teacher's room, Neville closed the door as softly as he could behind them.

"Teddy, we've known each other for quite some time now, and you know you can tell me anything."

The boy didn't respond, but rather kept looking down. Neville continued, not the least bit put off.

"I don't want to have to floo your godfather but…"

"Please don't tell Harry!" Teddy gasped fearfully, head snapping up.

"Then tell me what's wrong." Neville insisted. "If the other children are…"

"They all laugh at me." Teddy interrupted in quiet anger. His fists clenched as he glared at Neville's desk. "They make fun of my hair… and say bad things about my d-dad." His voice quivered on the last word.

"What kind of bad things?" Neville pressed gently.

Teddy only shook his head mournfully. He closed his eyes tight, and his brow furrowed.

"I'm a freak." He whispered.

"Never say that." Neville said in a forceful tone.

"It's true. I'm a half-werewolf metamorphmagus orphan who lives with his grandmother. Everyone knows it…" Teddy raked his hands through his black hair, a gesture that reminded Neville of the boy's father.

"You wish they didn't?"

Teddy nodded slowly.

"Teddy, against the odds you were born free of lycanthropy, _and_ you inherited your mother's rare gift."

He scoffed, glancing at Neville skeptically.

"Once you can control it, you'll be the envy of every teenager in this school, I guarantee it. Every student in this school wants to change something about their appearance."

Again, the boy avoided Neville's eyes.

"As for your father…" He paused as though thinking. "Sometimes people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid. Your dad did. That compassion made him a great teacher, and a great man"

Teddy bit his lip...

"I just wish I could have met him… I get in fights defending him… but it's like I'm standing up for a stranger. Like he's a character in a book or something." He looked down shamefully. "Sometimes I want to agree with them, just so they'll stop teasing me."

"Agreeing with them would only make them tease you worse… and would be a great dishonor to your father's memory."

Teddy blushed and looked down, fresh tears appearing in his eyes.

"You'll make friends Teddy, I promise you." Neville said steadily. "Just give it time, and never hide who you are"

The boy's shoulders slumped at the words.

"You should get to class." said his teacher, standing. Teddy followed suit, and Neville led him to the door. "I won't tell Harry."

"You're not giving me detention?" He asked, confused.

"If you promise to tell everyone that I did." Neville said, smiling. "And, if you stay out of trouble."

A old mischievous grin passed Teddy's face, but faded as quickly as it had come, and he ran down the hall. For some reason Neville felt his request had fallen on deaf ears, as he watched the boy sprint away, hair a vibrant shade of blue.

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A/N: Once again, sorry for the crappiness, and lack of John Lennon lyrics.


	3. Second Year

A/N: Many thanks to all the people who reviewed. Special thanks to Lynn-at-home and coolmarauders who reviewed that last chapter, and inspired me to write more.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.

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"Come on Victoire!" Teddy called, grabbing her arm and pulling her gently.

"I don't think we should…" The first year girl said hesitantly.

She dragged her feet as Teddy dragged her around several corridors.

"I think it's just around here…" He said excitedly.

Victoire made a sudden stop, almost knocking the metamorphmagus completely over.

"Teddy, I think we should go back… It's my first week at Hogwarts, I don't want to get caught breaking curfew!" She whispered, looking nervously around.

"I've been caught loads of times! Don't worry, the worst you'll get is detention." He said, running his hand casually through his hair.

Victoire, however, did look worried. Her delicate face, was now full of concern. Her straight blonde hair fell into her wide eyes.

"Teddy! I don't want…"

"I think we're here!" He interrupted suddenly, gazing at the door on his right.

Slowly he turned the handle and opened the entryway. Moonlight shone through two large stained glass windows at the far end of the room. Teddy walked in first.

"Well, come on!" He said, beckoning her.

"I'm scared." She whined, pulling back a little.

"Don't be. I found this place yesterday…" He saw the reluctance in her eyes. "Please Victoire! I needed to show someone!"

She looked down the hall, wearily.

"Couldn't you have brought a friend from your own year?" She asked.

Teddy gazed down and bit his lip. An awkward silence passed between them. A sharp pang of guilt went through Victoire. She sighed.

"Fine. Show me. But only for a little bit, and then we go back."

Teddy nodded, and smiled. Victoire stepped in, and he closed the door behind them.

"This is creepy…" She said, gazing around. Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. The room looked as though no one had entered in decades. It was large and empty, except for one corner.

Victoire followed Teddy to the other side of the room. Teddy's small footprints from the day before lay in the dust. As they approached the back wall, she could now clearly see what they were walking towards. A grand mirror towered over them, it's gold frame dulled from the dust.

"Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi." She read aloud. "It's a mirror."

Teddy nodded excitedly as he gaze into the glass.

"Yeah! But look…" He pulled her over in front of the glass. "You see?" He asked, pointing to his reflection.

She stepped closer, her eyes going wide.

"Wow." She gasped, breathlessly.

"I know!" Teddy grinned.

"Look at me! I'm head girl… and, and… I'm on the quidditch team, and I'm snogging…"

Teddy's smile dropped.

"What?" he asked, drawing closer to the mirror. "You don't see my parents?"

"You're parents? Teddy I don't even know what your parents looked like…"

"But there right there!" He said, pointing again.

"Teddy, I can't see them…" She breathed. She stared at the inscription on the mirror for several moments. Teddy had one hand pressed against the glass, as he looked in desperately.

"I show… not your face… but your… hearts desire." She said slowly.

"What?" He turned, frowning.

She pointed to the inscription.

"That's what the mirror says. It's written backwards."

Teddy turned his gaze back to his reflection.

"Oh." he said softly. They were both quiet.

"I'll take you back now." He said, turning away from her.

"Thank you for showing me…" She replied, voice soft. He tensed.

"No. It was stupid. I never should have wasted your time." Teddy said roughly, walking away.

"It wasn't stupid! Teddy, stop!" Victoire called. He didn't stop. "Teddy please don't be cross with me!" she begged. Freezing, he stood motionless and glared down at the floor. He drew a nondescript shape in the dust with the tip of his shoe.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself… and embarrassed…" he paused. Slowly, she walked over, and stood behind him.

"Why are you…"

"Because, I thought it was… I thought that they…" he struggled for words.

"I know."

He turned to face her. She could see the pain, deep in his now dark blue eyes.

"You'll probably get on the quidditch team, any you'll probably be made head girl and… and have a really nice boyfriend…"

"You don't know that…" she tried desperately to interject.

"I'll only be able to have my hearts desire when I look at a stupid mirror. How pathetic is that?" He smiled bitterly, but not to her.

"Wanting your parents is not pathetic Teddy." She said firmly. "What's pathetic, is wishing for dumb things like boyfriends and quidditch trophies."

He didn't respond, but rather stared over her shoulder at the mirror.

"I should break it." He said quietly.

"Why?" Victoire gasped.

"It's just like all the other pictures I have of them. I still can't touch them…" he shrugged, turning his back to her again. "Somehow seeing myself in there with them… it just makes me feel worse…"

"You can't hug a mirror…" She mused, as though to herself.

He didn't respond. Teddy tensed as he felt two soft arms wrap around him. He stood there rigidly for a second before relaxing. Cautiously he turned around, and returned the comforting embrace. They stood there for a moment, unmoving, as moonlight poured in through the windows and dust began settling on their clothes.

When they pulled back, Victoire blushed.

"We should get back…" Teddy said, turning around. His short hair had turned Weasley red, although Victoire was sure he hadn't noticed.

"Yeah…" She said, smiling a little.

As they walked back to the door, Teddy's gaze fell on Victoire.

"So…" He said jokingly, "Who was the boy you saw in the mirror."

Victoire blushed again.

"Oh… just some boy I saw on the train ride. I think he's in my year. You probably don't know him." She finished quickly. Teddy looked amused.

"Well, just as long as it's not me!" he said in mock disgust.

"You?" She laughed. "You used to pull my pigtails and kick sand in my face! Why would I ever date you?"

He looked thoughtful.

"Cause' I can do this!" He said suddenly. Thinking of the most grotesque features he could, he screwed up his eyes and morphed. His face resembled a Picasso painting, as he grinned up at her. She cocked one eyebrow.

"Oh very impressive." She said sarcastically.

He let his face return to normal, as they walked out the door.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to make faces? It might get stuck that way." She said. They both had to laugh at that one.

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A/N: Sorry for the fluffiness. I'm usually full of angst and drama. I think all these nice reviews are getting the better of me. 


	4. Third Year

A/N: This is for everyone who's reviewed so far. You're amazing. I changed the chapter titles to fit the year Teddy's in. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.

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Teddy was five when Harry had fist told him that his father had been a werewolf. Although at the time Teddy didn't really understand what it meant, he became so familiar the idea, that he'd gradually grown to accept it. When he was eleven, Harry gave him the marauders map, and showed him how it worked. He'd told him of how his father used to transform on full moons with his three best mates. How his fathers friends became animals, so they could all stay together. 

At thirteen, Teddy was back at school, lying on his bed, huddled over the map. His dorm mates were mysteriously absent, and he read by moonlight in complete quiet.

He traced his hands lightly over Moony's scrawl. Several figures move around the castle. He tried to imagine why they were going to those places, and what they were doing once they got there. He looked up at the full moon. Its iridescence shone brightly in the crisp night sky. He thought of the marauders, in all their fabled glory, running free in the night.

Teddy looked around at the empty room. Sometimes he wished that he'd made close friends like that. And it pained him from time to time that he hadn't.

It wasn't that he was anti-social, he just didn't like people staring at him all the time. His whole life he'd had people stare at him. Because he was a metamorphmagus, or because his father was a werewolf, or because Harry Potter was his godfather. Most didn't even bother to hide it. It made him feel uncomfortable. Awkward.

Victoire was his good friend, but she was also a girl, and a year younger than him. She had her own friends, and he had… some acquaintances. People he'd partner with in classes when necessary. But no one who would become an animagus for him. No one he was really emotionally attached to.

He would head out alone sometimes, to go wander and explore the castle. Visiting every secret passage and tunnel marked on the map. It had racked him up a reputation as being weird. But that may have been predestined anyway given his background and abilities. He heard someone creeping into the room.

"Hey Lupin… are you awake?" the voice whispered. Christopher Abrams, one of his dorm mates.

"Yes." he replied, looking up from his map.

"Good. Come on in." He said, gesturing behind him.

Teddy's two other roommates walked in. Jared Phelps, the leader of the little group, stood proudly in the middle of the room. David Stone, his small lackey, leaned casually into the wall.

"We want you to join our club Lupin. We think you being a metamorphmagus could come in handy against those Slytherins who pranked us at the end of last year." Jared said, with an heir of confidence.

"Er… thanks?" Teddy said, clearly confused.

"So you want in?" David said. The small boy gave him a calculating look.

"Um…" Teddy hesitated, looking at the boys expectant faces. He supposed he could afford to spend a little time with these boys. They'd never bothered him personally before, so he didn't see the harm. "Sure." He said finally.

"First you have to be initiated." Jared informed him.

"How?" Teddy asked slowly, moving to a sitting position on the bed.

"Well, traditionally, we dare you to do something."

"Like what?" asked Teddy suspiciously.

"You have to sneak into the shrieking shack, on a full moon night, and grab one item from the second story bedroom." Christopher interrupted excitedly.

"The shrieking shack? It's all boarded up… I remember walking around it on our last trip to Hogsmade." Teddy said. The boys grinned knowingly.

"We know another way!" David said, eyes flashing. "So are you in?"

Teddy hesitated.

"Come on Lupin, we all did it." Jared said coolly.

"You want me to go tonight?" he asked. They nodded enthusiastically.

"Ok… just let me get dressed." he said. He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom. He thought about the shrieking shack as he changed. That old decaying building with a reputation for being haunted.

The building had always intrigued Teddy, but his godfather remained oddly silent over the matter whenever it was brought up. Teddy always had assumed Harry had just not wanted him to go there. He felt slightly guilty at the possibility of disobeying his godfather, and quickly tried to shake the feeling.

When he came out of the bathroom, the three boys began exiting the room, and Teddy followed suit.

Quietly they managed to sneak out of the castle, and were out on the fields. As they were walking on the grounds Jared moved closer to Teddy.

"Scared Lupin?" He asked.

"Not really." Teddy replied, as nonchalantly as possible.

"They say a little boy was murdered in that building. You can still hear his screams every full moon." David added, eager to get a reaction.

Teddy didn't comply. He hid his emotions well and shrugged.

"They also say, you can still see his ghost, and if he looks you in the eye, your dead." Christopher said, joining in the conversation.

Teddy just shook his head and shrugged.

When they arrived at the Whomping Willow, Teddy looked up in disbelief.

"Is this some kind of a joke?" His demanded. They just smiled.

"No joke." Jared said. "Christopher?"

Christopher picked up a long stick laying on the ground and prodded the willow. Instantly, the violent limbs of the tree stopped thrashing. Teddy could make out the small entrance to a tunnel. He stared at the other boys in disbelief.

"You seriously expect me to go down there?" Teddy asked, eyes wide. "How do I know this isn't some horrible trap?"

"You don't." Jared replied, seriously. "But if you don't do it, your not in our club." He saw the reluctance in Teddy's eyes. "That tunnel leads right into the shack. All you have to do is run in, grab something from upstairs, and run out."

Teddy didn't like being pressured into things. But he could only stand out there so long before caving to them.

"I'm going." He replied, firmly.

He slowly walked down the dark tunnel. Illuminating his wand, he steadily made his way though the dark.

When at last he reached the house, a shiver ran down his spine, and the hair on the back of his neck stood straight up. Moonlight poured in through the cracks of the boarded up windows, leaving jagged ghostly shadows everywhere. He stopped to brush off the cobwebs he'd walked through.

The first thing he noticed about the house, was the sheer amount of dust settled on every possible surface. The second thing he noticed were the trails of large deep claw marks in the decomposing wood. Everywhere he looked, he saw them. He let out a small whimper, backing up. .

The rotten wood creaked. The house moaned as the crisp wind of early fall blew right through it. Slowly. He began creeping through the house. Careful to make as little noise as possible, he lit the shadows with his wand but found no monsters. When he reached the stairs, he stayed pressed against the wall. The stairs creaked a little less that way.

The house was a total disaster. Furniture lay broken everywhere. Almost everything tangible had either been scratched, bitten, or torn to pieces. At last he made it to the bedroom. There was a large, fairly beat up dresser, as well as a decrepit looking bed. The linens were dusty and shredded. They looked like they might have once been purple. Teddy wasn't sure. He looked around the room, and groaned softly. It was completely devoid of any knickknacks he could grab and bring back easily.

Cautiously he threw open nearby door, and jumped back. Relieved, he found only an empty bathroom. He quickly grabbed an old toothbrush that lay unceremoniously on the sink, and backed out as fast as he could. In his hasty exit of the bedroom, he noticed something odd. An inscription was there, to the right of the doorframe. Chiseled deep into the old graying wood it read,

_James Potter was here. _

_Peter Pettigrew was also here.. _

_Sirius Black was proud he was here._

_And Remus Lupin was so glad they were. _

_-The Marauders 1973  
"Don't waste your youth growing up." _

He held his breath. His heart raced as he read the words again. Teddy traced the familiar handwriting with his hands. He had see it countless times before, read it on the map, over and over. Every line was carved by each marauder separately. Moony, Teddy noticed, had signed both his name, and the postscript.

Teddy looked around the house with a new sense of wonder.

"This was where they transformed!" He whispered, whirling around wildly. He ran to one of the great claw marks of the wall and traced them with his fingers. "These were his." He murmured in awe.

It was as if an electrical pulse had run through his body, this realization. This was where his father had spent some of the hardest days of his youth. This is where his father had had some of the most fun. He felt a connection. Suddenly, the house seemed alive with information.

He craved to know more. He thoroughly explored the building, carefully examining every carving. From various games of hangman, to _Wormtail loves EJ _(which had been crossed off many times). He inspected every part of the house no longer afraid of the legend, or the ghost.

The ghost. He thought back to what his room mates had said, about the legend of the screaming boy. He cringed. Those screams must have been his father. The ghost that supposedly haunted the shack, was his dad when he was at Hogwarts. He felt a cold guilt creeping in, but he couldn't figure out why. He looked around the shack.

It was like proof, really. Proof that his father and his friends had actually existed. That they were real people, who had been at some point, young. Who left these little marks on the world, preserved perfectly in the ancient wood of a haunted house. Forever in the shrieking shack, like treasures buried in a time capsule.

At last he remembered the boys waiting outside, and reluctantly made his exit.

His face was controlled, his expression somewhat content. They looked down at him in awe as he came strolling out of the tunnel. His motions were steady and deliberate, not at all frightened or rushed. He looked as though he had just taken a stroll around the park.

"Teddy?" Jared asked, eyes wide. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He said, smiling a little.

"Er.. Did you bring something back?" Dave asked nervously.

"Yep!" Teddy held out the toothbrush.

The other boys eyes grew wide in amazement.

"Y-you went in the _bathroom_?" a very pale Christopher stuttered.

"Yes…" Teddy asked, confused.

"That's the most haunted room in the whole house! They say the ghost killed _three people_ in that room!" Jared asked, voice loosing some of its confidence.

"Well… this is the ghost's toothbrush." He said, offering it to Jared who held back his hands in fear and disgust.

"Weren't you scared?" Dave asked amazement apparent.

"A little. The downstairs guestroom was the spookiest room in the house though." He said, shrugging.

"Why did you go down there?"

"Just felt like exploring."

"You're crazy Lupin." Jared said, his tone more admiring than disrespectful. Teddy shrugged again. Chris tossed one arm over Teddy's shoulder, as the group began walking back to the castle.

"Dave screamed like a first year girl when he went in." Chris whispered in Teddy's ear. He smirked, and Teddy returned it with a tentative smile.

"Hey!" Dave yelled in his indignant high-pitched voice. "I heard that!"

Teddy grinned along with Jared and Chris.

"_They may not become my best friends_," Teddy thought. David had called a race back to the castle, and Chris yelled for Teddy to join in. "_I suppose there's no harm in trying…" _

He took off running.

A/N: Thanks for reading. I'll continue if anyone wants me to, but you have to let me know.


	5. Fourth Year

A/N: Sorry I took so long to update, but you know… writers block. Thanks so much to everyone who reviews. As long as people like this, I'll try to keep writing. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. And apologies to the film Waking Life, for sort of, kinda…. ripping it off…

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Moonlight illuminated the fresh sheet of snow. It's rays bathed the empty field in pale blue. 

He ran. His legs pushed him onward, towards some final destination. Although to where, he wasn't sure. But then, he couldn't really recall where he'd been either. The world was a haze. And somehow, the snow beneath him wasn't even cold.

As he approached the brink of the shady forest, he saw a dark figure shift. A person was leaned up against a tree, as though waiting for him. He stopped. A deep rumbling growl shook him. He knew the noise came from himself.

He was a werewolf, he realized. Or rather, a passive observer in a wolf's body. He had no control. He wasn't even fully conscious. Helplessly he felt his body pull back, jaws parting. A chilling howl filled the empty land. The silhouette in the forest appeared not to notice.

He lunged. Plowing through the snow, he charged full force at the shadowy figure.

_I can't control this! _the boy trapped inside thought, desperately.

"Teddy." A voice called.

The wolf didn't notice, but Teddy did. He begged the wolf to stop, but it ignored him. His transformed body picked up speed, snapping its dripping jaws in anticipation.

"Teddy!" The voice sounded so far away… It echoed through the clearing and yet…

The wolf grew closer to the forest. It reared itself, getting ready to lunge fang first at the person he still couldn't quite see.

"TEDDY!" The voice boomed, like a crack of lightning. The earth shook. Something heavy threw him back, and he…

* * *

Opened his eyes. James gasped and pulled away from his bed, looking terrified.

"Are you okay, Teddy?" He asked.

Teddy panted, trying to catch his breath. He clutched his chest, and damp t-shirt. A cold sweat covered his skin. He tossed off the comforter, and his godfather's oldest backed off, giving him some space.

"I'm fine…" He said at last, slightly out of breath.

"You were moaning, and…." James trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"And what?" Teddy asked, slowly pushing himself up with the palms of his hands.

"Growling." James whispered, looking down.

Teddy raked his long fingers through his disheveled dirty blonde hair. He looked out the window at the full moon. His head pounded as he tried to shake off the dream reality.

"Did anyone else…" Teddy started, looking around.

"No, just me… Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, desperately trying to avoid Teddy's gaze.

"M'fine…" He murmured, tossing his legs over one side of the bed. He stood up gingerly, and walked to the door. "I'm getting some water…"

"Okay…" James said hesitantly, watching him leave.

Teddy walked down the hall as quietly as his gangly legs could manage. He was an awkward fourteen year old, and his limbs were just a little too long for him to manage. His awkwardness made him more than a little clumsy, so he took extra care not to bump into anything.

He passed the hall mirror, and took a quick glance at his reflection. With a flash, he did a double take. Flying back to the mirror, he leaned in close.

His eyes were yellow, and seemed to glow unnaturally. He tried to morph them back but they wouldn't change. His heart began racing in panic. His golden eyes looked feral and unbalanced. He wanted to scream, instead, he bit down on his hand until it came close to bleeding. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. After relaxing for a moment he opened his eyes, and sighed deeply. Relieved to see them back to their familiar blue. His pounding heart slowed, and he wearily continued to the kitchen.

It was late. Nonetheless, his "Uncle" Bill, was sitting in the kitchen. Bill, Fleur, and their daughter Victoire had come to stay with the Potters that Christmas break. Teddy came, as was tradition, but he gave up the guest room to his godfather's friends, and bunked with James.

"Teddy, what are you doing up?" He asked, looking up from the book he was reading.

"I couldn't sleep." Teddy mumbled, taking a glass out of the cabinet.

Bill watched the boy fill his glass with water, and inspected his face. He was very pale, and dark circles were apparent under his almost frightened looking eyes. Bill thought back to Teddy's father.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Teddy watched him for a second before responding. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a…. nightmare." he finished, monotone.

"Were you a wolf…. in your nightmare, I mean?" Bill asked, solemnly.

Teddy gasped, his eyes widening in surprise. "How did you…" He started, astounded.

"Why do you think I'm awake?" Bill smiled sadly, gesturing to the pot of coffee on the table, and the stacks of books.

"You get them too?" He asked shyly, looking at his water glass.

"The dreams? Only on full moons. I opt to stay up, so I don't have to have them." The man explained calmly.

"I only started having them recently. Maybe last year or so…" Teddy said in a soft voice. He took a sip of his water to fill the void their silence left.

"Well… Dreamless Sleep potions don't help. Trust me, I've tried." Bill sighed, somewhat despairingly.

"It was horrible." the boy murmured, sitting down across from Bill. He rested his elbows on the low pile of books.

"I know." He replied. Somehow Teddy knew he wasn't lying.

"We're lucky they're only dreams. And that it's only once a month." Bill continued, drinking some coffee. He watched the boys face darken in thought.

Neither spoke for a while.

"You're thinking about your father?" Bill asked. It wasn't really a question.

"Yes." Teddy said plainly, then paused. "Did you know him?" Teddy asked, biting his lip.

"Not very well. But what I did know, I liked. He was a good man." The man said, smiling a little.

Teddy was silent. He stared at the glass in his hands.

"He really helped me after… you know…" Bill made a clawing motion in front of his face, indicating to his scars. Teddy looked away, uncomfortable. Bill continued, undeterred.

"The same werewolf who infected him, was the one who got me."

"I didn't know that…" Teddy said softly, still looking down.

"I didn't become a full werewolf, obviously, but there were still some… changes." Bill refilled his mug as he spoke.

"Like what?" the boy asked, avoiding the man's scarred face.

"I'd get angry sometimes. Little things would set me off, for no real reason. Then I started craving really rare meat, and the closer it got to the full moon the more raw I wanted it… and of course the dreams."

"What did he do to help?"

"Well… he taught me some meditation techniques he'd picked up… I learned to control my anger. You're dad was good at that you know. Controlling himself… I can't remember ever seeing him loose his calm." Bill paused, "Except maybe when your mum was around, than he'd lower his guard."

Teddy looked a little uncomfortable at where the conversation was heading. His eyes darted to the door.

"It was good though, I think." Bill continued. "It's not healthy to keep everything inside _all _the time." He shrugged. "Maybe that's what love is. Being able to open yourself up completely to another person. An them being able to accept you as you are"

Victoire's pretty face flashed in Teddy's mind, but he wasn't quite sure why. He shook the thought away, and started thinking of excuses to leave the table and go back to bed.

"He tried to help me with the dreams too." Bill said, interrupting his thoughts. Teddy's head snapped up.

"He had them?" He asked, eyes wide. For the first time, he met the man's eyes squarely.

"Not on the full moon, I guess. Then it was real… but the week prior." Bill sipped the coffee again. "That's what he told me anyway."

"How did he try to help?" Teddy asked, excitement coming to his voice.

"He told me about this trick he'd learned." Bill paused, and then leaned forward. "If you can _realize_ that your dreaming, then you can control your dream. See…if you know you're not awake… you can will yourself to be human, or talk to whoever you feel like, or fly… whatever you want. It's called a lucid dream."

"That's it ? You just realize that you're dreaming, and you can do anything?" Teddy asked incredulously.

Bill laughed softly.

"It's not that simple. You see, when you dream, you're brain fully believes that it's awake. Even when your dream is completely absurd, you still _think_ that it's real, so you accept it. I mean… you don't go around questioning reality when you're awake, so why would you think to do it when you're awake in you're dreams?" Bill smiled, and the boy grinned back a little.

"But my dad could do it?" Teddy eagerly asked, gripping the table.

"He said there are certain ways to recognize that you're dreaming."

"Like what?" Teddy pressed.

"Well… Like, you can't read small print, or…. the numbers on a clock." Bill yawned. "You can't really change the light levels either."

"I don't know how any of that would help me with those nightmares… I don't have books, or… or… lights. I'm always out in some forest…"

"You have to practice. In the daytime… when you're awake, you know? " Bill said, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"How?" Teddy's brow furrowed in confusion.

"Ask yourself whether or not you're actually awake. Get in the habit of questioning reality when you're awake, and then you'll habitually do it in you're sleep."

"Does it work?" Teddy asked, intrigued.

"I've never been able to do it. I stick to coffee instead. It's just for one night, anyway." Bill sighed, running his finger around the rim of the mug. He watched the boy closely.

"Maybe reality's just a dream we can't realize we're in..."

"That's deep Uncle Bill." Teddy said, grinning. They both laughed softly. His head drooped, and he gazed at his hand, letting his sandy blond hair fall in his eyes. Slowly, he looked down at the book he'd been leaning on. He stared at the brown and dusty cover for a moment, while his eyes tried to focused on the words.

He blinked. It was all gibberish. He rubbed his eyes aggressively, but it didn't help. What he'd assumed was just golden lettering on the cover, hadn't even been writing at all. They weren't ever real letters. Just lines arranged in various spontaneous ways. And the letters kept changing shape. He looked around the kitchen wildly.

"I'm dreaming now, aren't I?" He gasped, already knowing the answer.

"Yes." Dream-Bill said, simply.

"So… what do I do?" Teddy looked around the room, it seemed different now that he knew he'd created it.

"I don't know… I've never had a lucid dream, remember?" He said. Teddy felt confused, almost like he'd found a paradox in his mind. He didn't pursue it.

"If this is a dream…you said… I can fly?" He asked tentatively. Bill nodded, and gave him a pleasant smile.

"If this were a dream… then gravity's only pulling you down, because _you_ expect it to."

And then Teddy was in the air. Hovering two feet above the tile floor. He looked down, an innocent smile of delight crossed his face.

"I think I'll fly to the moon tonight." He declared softly, gazing out the now open window.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Bill asked, fingers drumming on the side of his coffee mug. Teddy thought for a while, before shaking his head.

"I'll go alone this time. Thanks, though." He said finally. "I have some… people I want to meet…"

"You're parents won't be real Teddy, remember that." Bill said, gazing up at him. Teddy's smile fell a little, and he sunk a few inches back to the floor.

"I know…" the boy said sadly. "But they might be able to give me some instruction right? I mean… you did."

"Maybe… but then you just subconsciously created our whole conversation. Maybe you knew all that already. Or, maybe you just made it all up. Who knows?" Bill shrugged. "I only exist in your mind after all."

Teddy groaned in frustration, and grabbed at his hair.

"This is all really confusing. I need to go before you make me forget about going."

Dream-Bill grinned a little. "Just don't fall asleep in your dream again."

As an invisible force slowly pulled Teddy across the kitchen and out the window. Bill watched him drift gently through the sky, and waved. Teddy waved back, as he floated closer and closer to the round yellow orb, hanging low in the horizon.

For a boy who'd always felt he had little say in his own life. For a boy who'd always sort of believed that life had dealt him a rather rotten hand. For a boy who always wrote himself off as the victim of various circumstances, the sheer amount of control he had, astounded him. It was euphoric, and overwhelming. He had an infinite amount of choices he could make.

"_It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." _Teddy half-heard an old, wise voice say, transmitted to him, fuzzy and distant, as though from an old muggle radio. He'd never heard those words before, but he pondered them, as he flew.

"I guess… I always do control my own actions… even when I'm awake." He mused to himself.

Remus and Nymphadora Lupin waved happily to their son as he approached the moon's surface. A checkered blanket was spread out below them. From close up, the moon looked very much like Teddy's favorite muggle park his grandmother used to take him to when he was little.

He used to envy the other children, whose parents would play catch with them, fly kites with them, or go fishing together. He would sit on the swing, small legs unable to pump him into the air, as the kids around him flew, laughing joyously with their doting parents.

His feet touched the green grass, and the warm sun shone bright in the blue sky.

"Teddy!" His mother said, running to meet him in the one hug he'd so desperately needed all his life. Teddy felt tears well up in his eyes and he blinked them back rapidly. His throat was choked with emotion. Remus touched his hair affectionately.

"It's good to see you again son."

"Sure took you long enough!" Nymphadora laughed gently, letting him go.

"The moon was farther then I thought…" Teddy said, a little stunned. Greedily, he drank in the sight of them. His parents chuckled, and beamed at their son in pride. Teddy smiled, feeling happier then he had in a long time. He ignored the little voice that reminded him his parents were dead. It wasn't real. It was just a dream. But it was a good dream.

And Teddy was long overdue for a good dream.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! 


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